The day has finally come.

One of the days that I feared would come, finally happened.
The person I love has lost the most important person in his life, forever.
And I heard his sobs that I had never heard before. In that silent night, until morning had just begun, the sound of his crying broke my heart and made me unable to hold back my tears that were in sync with his.

The distance that had never been a barrier in our relationship suddenly became very suffocating, like a space between us that squeezed my body. I want to…


I was just laying in my bed and about to sleep when this thought comes to my mind, “wow, tonight, I feel something was pounding in my chest”, and I knew it was adrenaline hormone, because of my overthinking ‘bout some of the things. “But wait, why do I also feel quite calm and comfortable tonight?” which was the opposite of what I just said.

Actually, I don’t understand, and that’s why I think I have to write it down here, I felt like I have to write these issues here as well so that I can remember what I…


“Life is a series of moments. The quality of attention and action that we bring to each moment determines the quality of our lives.” — Dan Millman

Yup.. life’s a series of moments. Our lives are made up of a thousand of them. It’s like braiding time into bonds that explain each other, like knitting spontaneous change and opportunity. We’ll make a pretty macrame or ruffled crochet, that depends on every step we take. We won’t be able to choose what kind of yarn we get, or how it’s the needle we hold. But we can determine what we will…


They say life is about struggling and being strong.
I believe that. But today, I want to remind you that we are all have been through some moments we thought we couldn’t through before.
It was all impossible until we make it. Although it felt like dragging yourself on gravel, it passes unevenly. You’ve passed time when it’s like something heavy pressed against your chest every air you breathe in. And when every tick of pulse felt like aches behind a bruise. But pass it does.
Some of Haruki Murakami’s books that I’ve read describe how life isn’t really like what we have…


this is not a movie review

Studio Ghibli Inc. is a Japanese animation film studio headquartered in Koganei, Tokyo. The studio is best known for its animated feature films and has also produced several short films, television commercials, and one television film. (Wikipedia)

For myself, Ghibli films have accompanied me since I was little until now I am 2x years old, I have watched some of Ghibli films and other Ghibli’s that are still on my must-watch list. I won’t give reviews or recommendations here now because most of the Ghibli films, IMO, all the Ghibli films I watched are…


It such a long time ago since the last time I posted my last medium poems. And this is my first kind of realization story here. So much time has passed since 2016… and today’s September of 2020. I don’t know why I feel like I have to explain what happened during the past 4 years, at least in one sentence, there have been so many things going on in my life that have made me experience slight changes, or I can say I’ve been growing so much because thankfully, these changes lead to something that better :)

Me, trying to find a way out…

it wasn’t…


Jakarta, 29 Agustus 2016

Kehampaan ini ada. Namun mengapa?
Apa karena jarak?

Tidak kurasa bukan.

Jarak hanya ruang relatif bagi semua orang.

Yang terpisah jauh dapat merasa dekat, melekat.
Dan sebaliknya yang dekat, dapat terasa begitu jauh.

Kau jauh. Namun seolah kubawa sebagian dirimu,
itu kenapa namamu selalu teringat.

Kau dekat. Namun keberbedaan yang menyiksa kita,
memberi sela yang bahkan lebih jauh daripada jarak Jakarta— Canberra.

Maka selama ini orang salah menatap jarak.
Yang salah bukan jalan, atau udara atau rel kereta.

Namun ruang dan sela lain diantara tubuh dan pikiran kita.

Disamping itu.
Aku disini bersama rindu.

Datang tiap-tiap…


Kalau benar daun mencintai angin, lalu mengapalah mereka tak pernah bersama
Sekedar berputar-putar di udara, sekejap lalu daun jatuh.
Jika benar ku mencintaimu, mengapa sulit menulis puisi cinta untukmu
satu katapun tak tau, yang kutau hanya judul; kucinta.
Kalau ombak mengejar daratan, mengapa ia kembali pergi
berdebur membuat lagu indah namun sedih.
Jika hujan melambangkan perjuangan, cinta
namun kenapa pula digambarkan tangis.
Salahkah aku untuk takut akan semua anomali cinta ini
ketidaklarasan mengenai fakta dan perasaan
menciptakan harmoni yang salah namun tetap pula didengar


Kehabisan kata-kata.
mengapa menuliskanmu begitu sulit dan rumit? seolah harus menulis serangkai rumus tak berlimit dalam kertas anganku. Padahal tak ada tanda baca yang harus dipedulikan, atau rujukan yang harus ku sitasi. Menuliskanmu membuat kepalaku seketika kosong, namun aku yakin setidaknya ada lebih dari 1001 perasaan bergejolak ingin kuteriakan didalam sini.

sejujurnya, mungkin aku tau apa alasannya. Karena, kau tau? aku pun tak sadar apa yang aku rasakan padamu. terlalu berwarna sampai-sampai aku tidak dapat memastikan warna apakah itu. Dominan warna gelap atau terang, banyak putih atau hitam. …


Jika mendengar lagu ini, yang aku rasa kita tak semakin tua.
waktu pun lambat berjalan, enggan bergerak
masih merasa nyaman, dalam kehangatan dan aroma tubuhmu

Yang kuingat dirimu, dulu berjalan, bersanding denganku
tertawa, diam, tergelak, menangis,
jika ada kata yang melebihi rindu,
ditambah sedikit rasa butuh,
dan candu
maka aku merasakan itu
pada matamu,
bibirmu,
aromamu,
gerak-gerik dan suaramu.

Jika waktu dapat diputar kembali,
aku tak akan melepasmu,
saat terakhir kubalut tubuhku, dengan selimut yang sama
pada tubuhmu
akan ku ingat, warna coklat matamu yang menatap
dalam…kukira sayang

Namun matamu terlalu jauh,
bahkan dengan perasaan, aku malah berharap bodoh
ternyata dirimu bukan hanya,
yang kukira,
apalagi yang ku harap

Matamu,
penuh rahasia
tak terbaca.
jauh dan dalam.

Bayangmu semakin pudar,
genggammu telah melonggar,
tapakku hanya sendiri pada pasir
dimana engkau,

Pada akhir lagu ini,
aku sadar,
kau tak akan pulang.

Myshaelina

Kata dan Rasa tak semua dapat terucap, namun setidaknya sanggup dituliskan

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